![]() ![]() There was a period of my life last year where this song was stuck in my head for a month. The world at my fingertips and only one place to go. With covid over its getting better atleast. As my parents talk about late nights with friends and my dad reminiscences of his university experience, most of what I will have to talk about is stuff I see on the internet. My parents are proud I stuck it out, but I can't help feel like ive wasted my life even at 19. I had one day where I was supposed to be doing nearly 12 hours straight of classes. The schedule was more than one class but was also poorly organized and busy due to me taking a double degree. Normally, these spaces are just meant to sleep in, but I had to effectively live 24/7 due to restrictions. This was taken, and replaced with more zoom classes, and a smaller dirtier living space ( I wasn't able to get a vacuum until 2nd semester, so the ground alway had dirt and crap on int). During the high-school classes I would atleast occasionally talk to my parents over meals. This again, was on and off for 6 hours.įirst year university wasn't much better. The teacher would ask a question to the zoom meeting, Which would then stay silent until the teacher would resume speaking. One of these was a mandatory religion course, which quickly gave way to just filling in blanks you were given. This wasn't helped when they changed the organization so that we only did one class every day for that time. Every day I would go into the basement, stay on the computer for 6 hours for school, and then spend the rest of the night still on my computer due to having nothing else to do. While I was growing up I was very antisocial, with primary school being mostly me being insecure, I even made a vow to my self to not "become attached" to anyone in high-school because it would "only be for four years anyway." I only just started to come out of this attitude during late grade 10, the same time covid hit.Īs much as I liked learning, the social isolation and day to day format of classes wore everyone thin. This song reminds me of online school during covid. and honestly? I fucking wish I was never homeschooled. I'm glad to know there are people that kinda have similar experiences, but I still feel completely alone in my experience. I remember a few weeks ago in gym class we were playing some game that everyone else supposedly played way back in elementary school, and I got yelled at for misinterpreting one of the rules and it made me feel like a complete and utter fucking idiot. it feels like I'm an alien trying to fit in with humans and mostly succeeding, but not enough to satisfy me. like everyone else is 100 steps ahead of me, and they just expect me to know things that everyone else knows, but I'm the sole freak that doesn't know anything. sure, I have friends now, and so far I've been doing well with my grades, but it still feels completely and utterly empty. I just feel a sort of empty longing for what normal people consider a big part of the public school experience. that's not the part that's affecting my mental health though, at least not the main part. problem is, I'm 16, and because this is the first time I'm doing any sort of public schooling, they held me back a few years. I was homeschooled for most of my life until this year, when I finally went to a public high school. I swear to God, every time I come back to this video and read this comment I relate to it more than when I last read it. ![]()
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